The Girl Who Looked Into the Mirror

Beginning Again

Early morning hues.
Pink clouds dance with blue skies.
Possibilities.  

 

I failed miserably last year in being a writer.  Oh, I wrote some, but it certainly wasn't here on this blog and it wasn't about the story I want to tell and turn into a book.  Writers write every day.  And that is why I I failed.  There were way too many days when I chose not to write anything at all. 

 

Looking back (just for a brief moment, because this post is really about looking forward), I didn't write because sitting with the discomfort of a blinking cursor reminds me that writing a book isn't going to be easy.  I didn't write because telling the story of my indiscretions and infidelities isn't going to be pain-free. I didn't write because saying yes to anything other than writing created the illusion of comfort for a short time. I didn't write because being completely honest with myself wasn't happening in some areas of my life last year. And when you want to write a book called "The Girl Who Looked Into the Mirror" and the girl (me) wasn't willing to do that (look into the mirror) and face up to certain things, she really has no business writing a book about the importance of loving and being honest with yourself. 

 

Looking at life right now looks pretty damn good.  It's like looking at those clouds the other morning (the ones you see in the photograph above)...they were eye-candy for the spirit, but they were also eye-opening expressions of time.  As I took in the beauty of the new day beginning and watched the clouds change shape and then disappear altogether, I was suddenly and acutely aware of how fleeting one's life is. The illusion of "having all the time in the world" to write a book or read all the books I own or travel to India or to do whatever it is I want to do doesn't exist sometime in the future.  It exists right now in making the time every day to move towards what I really want. 

 

And that's what I will do this year.  Every day I will be a writer. I've faced up to those things last year that stopped me.  I've forgiven myself.  I'm looking forward.  I return to this blog and I begin to write my book.  The reflection is telling the truth again.   

 

Truth or Dare

 

Photograph by Lloyd Lemmermann

A few weeks ago I had the opportunity to help a friend capture part of the vision he has had for his work as a photographer.  While I was initially surprised to have been asked, I wasn't surprised in the least bit to hear myself say "Yes" to his invitation.  The truth is...I love to be daring.  I enjoy doing things that scare me or push my so-called limits to the edge.  I'm willing to try pretty much anything once.  I've had nude photographs taken of me before, but it was a woman behind the camera that time.  This time it was a man.  

Looking at nude photography might make some people uncomfortable, but I'm all for appreciating and admiring the human body sans clothes. But...what's it like when it's your naked body that's being photographed?  How does it feel to be seen by another who's not your mother or your mate?  What dared me to spend a couple hours being in, what I imagine many folks would consider, a vulnerable state? 

I wanted to see what my body looked like through the eyes of another.  I wanted to see the shapes, lines, and shadows without standing in front of a mirror. I wanted to see a different perspective of me.  I wanted to see what a photograph of me as a naked woman would say.  As I've gotten older and my body has changed, it's been way too often I hear a harsh voice filled with unkind words. 

So why should we dare to expose our most naked selves to another human being?  Whether it's in the literal sense (having nude photographs taken) or a figurative one (such as telling the truth even when it scares the hell out of us)...being authentic and vulnerable and willing to take a risk can lead to a greater awareness of ourselves as well as a deeper understanding of and appreciation for our relationships with others. 

"Truth or Dare" used to be my favorite game as a kid.  As an adult, it's turned into Truth and Dare. What truth of yours has dared you to do something new and different?  What dare are you ready to take in your life?